Episode 16 - Coming Out Stories

In kin•dom campfire chats, we asked camp participants to think of a question that they wish someone would ask them about their life journey. With a friend and in their own words, the campers tell their stories of struggle, love, support, and a community found. 

Episode 16:
Camper 1 - 13 yo - She/They
Camper 2 - 14 yo - He/Him
Camper 3 - 14yo - He/Him
Camper 4 - 15yo - He/Him

Cabin friends share their coming out stories.

Find out more about us by visiting our website, kindomcommunity.org. There you can find information about kin•dom camp and consider supporting our work with a one-time or recurring donation. Be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram @kindomcommunity to keep up with all the important information.

Transcript

music  0:00  
[Andy strumming guitar & Baylee's voice singing: "Oh let's build, let's build a place we can go”]  

Narrator  0:09  
Thank you for tuning in to kin•dom campfire chats, a podcast of kin•dom community. This podcast features the voices of LGBTQIA+ persons, both youth participants and adults staff who attended kin•dom camp in Texas in the summer of 2023. We asked the camp participants to think of a question that they wish someone would ask them about their life journey with a friend. And in their own words, the campers tell their stories of struggle, love, support, and a community found. We invite you to listen with an open mind and an open heart.

music  0:49  
[Andy strumming guitar & Baylee's voice singing: "This is the place”]  

speaker 1  0:56  
Will all of you tell me your coming out story? 

speaker 2  0:59  
Sure. So mine is really weird, especially as a person who was absolutely like, sure that I would never like anybody, and that I would just be this awesome, badass woman. So I, like I kind of had this sort of weird crush on a girl where I wasn't validating if it was a crush or not, but I was pretty sure it was a crush. And it was very overwhelming for me, because I was like, pretty sure that it was just all in my head and it wasn't real. And when I came out to my mom, she was just like, 'sure I, I like– you, do you, I just want to make sure that when you grow up, you just marry someone who loves you.' So that was really freeing. So that's why I came out as lesbian. And I actually came out to the rest of my family to view– because like, we were looking at kin•dom camp, and I was like, 'I really want to go' and my siblings were like, 'why?' And I'm like, 'What if I told you I like girls, and it wasn't a joke.' So that was a weird way to come out to them. But then I realized I wasn't lesbian. And then I realized that I wasn't cis. So coming out as a gender non, like, exploring gender, and being more gender non binary, that was more of a like, 'Hi. So I'm not a girl. And I would like to experiment with pronouns.' And they're really accepting to that. And I'm really happy that I have a family who validates my journey.

Speaker 3  2:24  
I'll go next. So my story is a little bit complicated. So started off with the fact that when I was in elementary school, there was this one girl. And I really liked her like way too much, I think for just being straight. Um, and I was like obsessed with this girl. And I remember when she– I remember that when she moved, I went through, I'm guessing what could be considered a child depressive stage where I just was not happy at all. And I was complaining. And actually, we ended up swapping, because we had this thing where we would, we could take pictures of ourselves so we end up swapping pictures so that we would remember each other. I still have her picture up in my room. Just because like sometimes I miss like the conversations we had. So that was probably like a big, like tipper, that eh, maybe not straight. But I didn't actually discover homosexuality is a thing until like sixth grade through a book that I was reading just because I was like, these two dudes that are in the story are like way too close to be friends. And then I was like, what's that? So I looked it up. And then I was like, Oh, this is like, this is different. I've never heard of it. Started exploring more, and I found stuff that like sort of, I guess defined how I feel. So the first thing I saw was bisexual, like bisexual. And because I just didn't want to process the fact that I wasn't attracted to men, because that's what I've been told to be attracted to my whole life as someone who was born female. And so that was very complicated. Because I know that I definitely liked woman. And then after a while, like I came out to my mom after like a year, I came out to my mom, we were in a car ride. We were going to a, like one of her, like one of the barns because we ride horses. And my mom was being a coward about something. So I told her, I'm not going to be a chicken like you. And I came out. And I didn't get in trouble for being rude to her, which was shocking. I thought that I would get in trouble for that. And then like a few years later, I realized oh, I just really don't like men that much. I'm okay with people that are non binary and stuff, but I just don't like men. And so I like one time me and my mom, we were having an argument and I told her this is why I hate men. And it was an argument about like clothes that I couldn't wear to school, because I wanted to wear something and my mom didn't want me to get in trouble for the dress code. And after a little while of being lesbian, I realized my, my friend showed me this thing called or– told me about this thing called Gender like fluid. And so I started like learning more about it because this is something I hadn't heard of before this is new. And the more that I heard about it, the more it was like, Oh, this is how I feel. Because sometimes I would feel really weird and I would feel like a boy. But sometimes I wouldn't feel like anything at all. The majority of the time, I feel quite like non binary gender neutral. And I use they them pronouns. Today, I'm using him, just because that's what I feel more comfortable with. I was wearing a binder earlier. Not anymore because of taking a break, for safety reasons. Do not wear a binder for more than eight hours - it's bad for you. And so I told my mom about it. And then I got my name changed. And I'm actually getting it legally changed this year, which I'm excited for. And I have been out to her for I think it's been a year and I'm pretty happy. So that was my coming out story. Uh do you want to go next? 

Speaker 4  5:59  
Yeah, I'll go next. Um, so I realized I was transgender from watching Tik Tok. I saw - I got on my for you page, this was a long time ago, like three years ago, maybe - I saw on my for you page this man, and he put trans tape on his chest so that his chest would be flatter. And I was like, that's interesting. What is this all about? And I, I found a, another thing on Pinterest, which was a Trans Pride, uhm some Trans Pride art. And I thought it was really interesting. And I sort of explored that concept more. And I was like, you can just do that? Like, since when. 

Speaker 3  6:43  
You went down the rabbit hole. 

Speaker 4  6:45  
Yeah, I went down the rabbit hole. And I found myself. And I– my whole life growing up, I had ripped out bows out of my hair because I didn't like them. I– I was happy in dresses, but they were– just not as happy as I could be. And I came out to my dad about three, two and a half years ago. And I made the mistake of coming out over text, which was not very wise with big news like this. And he said, 'Okay, we'll talk about this when I get home.' And then he proceeded to not talk to me for about two weeks. We didn't interact, we didn't communicate at all. It was just my mom. And my mom didn't know, my dad hadn't told mom yet. And so after about two weeks, the first thing he ever said to me was - I had this folder, and had wrote Ethan on it, because that's one of the names that I go by - and my dad said, 'You need to stop writing this on your folder.' And I said, 'What? What do you mean?' And he went, 'This is not your name.' And he got really frustrated, really angry with me. So I finished the conversation. And I put my folder back in my bag. And I walked out of my house going 'wow, this is what it's like to have an unsupportive father.' After about three days, he came to me. And we were in a car ride together. And he said, I love you so much. And I just want to make sure you're not making a mistake. And that really showed me that he was supportive. He, he he loved me, he did. And he just didn't really want me to be in danger, really. Because it's very dangerous living as a transgender person. And yeah, and he didn't want me to experience this. And he didn't want me to mature so young. And I think that he did support me he did come around and said, 'you know what, if you're completely sure about this, I'm all in 100%.' And now he's supportive and amazing and amazing to me. And he said that, you know, he jokes about stealing my old dresses and stuff. So he's, I love him. I love him so much. And I'm really thankful that I have a supportive father.

Speaker 3  9:32  
I don't know if this is weird, but sometimes I like putting on some really old dresses that my grandmother used to wear when she was young. Just because I don't know why but it makes me feel so happy sometimes.

Speaker 4  9:41  
Yeah. 

Speaker 5  9:42  
Everybody likes to put on interesting clothes.

Speaker 3  9:46  
I don't know why but dresses, amazing.

speaker 2  9:48  
Dresses being a girl thing is just a stupid social convention. 

Speaker 4  9:51  
I agree

Speaker 5  9:51  
Yeah, I really like dresses.

Speaker 3  9:53  
They're just really comfortable for me. They're like really– because sometimes pants are like too sensory issue. 

Speaker 4  10:00  
Yeah, I get that. You want to tell you're coming out story?

Speaker 5  10:04  
Oh, yeah, it's my turn. Okay. Um, so my coming out story is kind of funny. And it sort of starts with me at the age of like six, or maybe I was even five. So that's how early my family knew I was queer because I argued with my little brother over another kid, and we were arguing whether gay marriage should be allowed, because one of us because because one of us wanted to marry one kid, or we both wanted to marry the same kid. And if gay marriage wasn't allowed than one of the competition would have been eliminated. I like to think that I was arguing for gay marriage, but no one really knows, the details were lost in history. So then, like, when I was about 10, I had a crush on one boy, but being straight was just a phase, which is one of my favorite phrases. And my mom says that's what threw her for a loop. But then when I was about 12, and I - so like, for a long time, I knew a little bit about queerness. But then, like, I started reading books with queer kids. And my parents started getting really involved in the queer community, like my mom was president and of our pride. And so I started learning about all this queer stuff. And some of it I've just learned recently, but when I was about 12, so almost two years ago, I just, like, randomly brought it into a conversation. And my parents were just like, 'do you like the label?' And I was like, 'yeah,' and they were like, 'okay, cool.' And that was about it. And then, and like, everyone, apparently, everyone just already knew. Um, and then I don't really remember coming out to my friends, but I think I had like, told one of my friends about one of my crushes, and they were just like, 'okay, sure,' 'cause most of my crushes have been girls. And like, my best friend was like, 'okay, cool.' Like, and then like, when I started using she/they pronouns, no one, like– like, I just started using them. No one really commented just like, okay, cool. Because like, 

Speaker 3  12:07  
You do you.

Speaker 5  12:08  
Yeah, they just were like, 'Okay, why is this big deal again? Just cool. You do you.' And I just recently learned the phrase demigirl here at camp and I was like, 'Ohh That's me!' So that's been fun, like learning all the stuff about queer communities that I didn't even learn at home. 

Speaker 3  12:29  
Yeah, 

Speaker 5  12:30  
Yeah. 

Speaker 3  12:30  
I feel like camp is a great place to learn different identities. Because sometimes like it's really difficult to learn about new things. You really have to just look at like a diction- like a queer dictionary or something when you need to find it.

Speaker 5  12:41  
Yeah, yeah. 

Speaker 3  12:42  
But here you can, like meet other people with, like, different sexualities and ask them questions. 

Speaker 5  12:47  
Yeah. 

Speaker 3  12:47  
Without like, immediately just not getting an answer. Because sometimes, you can't like look stuff up.

Speaker 5  12:52  
Just my best friends like, the like the only person I really, like ask questions about queer stuff, because she knows like everything. 

Speaker 3  13:01  
Yeah.

Speaker 4  13:02  
I think it's really important to have a community like this where we can learn about each other and where we can support each other.

Speaker 5  13:08  
Yeah.

Speaker 3  13:10  
And get a cool gender affirming haircut. 

Speaker 5  13:12  
Yeah!

Speaker 4  13:12  
And get a more gender affirming haircut. 

Speaker 5  13:15  
Yeah. 

music  13:16  
[Andy strumming guitar & Baylee's voice singing: "Oh let's build, let's build a place we can go”]  

Narrator  13:26  
Thank you for listening to kin•dom campfire chats. This podcast is a production of kin•dom community. You can find out more about kin•dom community by going to kindomcommunity.org or by searching kin•dom community on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.

Baylee  13:43  
Hi y'all, it's Baylee. I'm the Creative Director of kin•dom community.

Andy  13:56  
And I'm Andy, the Program Director of kin•dom community.

John  13:59  
And I'm John, the executive director of kin•dom community.

Baylee  14:03  
We wanted to talk a little bit more about kin•dom camp and how you can get involved.

Andy  14:08  
kin•dom camp is an opportunity for LGBTQIA+ youth ages 12 to 17 to feel safe and free to show up as their full selves. Campers will have the chance to experience all the fun that camp has to offer in a week filled with affirmation community and celebration. This camp is intentionally created to be affirming space. It affirms all genders, sexualities, identities and varieties of belief. The only thing we expect is a commitment to welcoming and celebrating everyone where they are as they are.

Baylee  14:37  
And this isn't just any summer camp - we're talking rainbows and glitter everywhere. kin•dom camp will include plenty of traditional camp activities and recreation, plus some specialized programming to incorporate activities and conversations around mental health, yoga, embodiment, and LGBTQIA+ history and culture. Now more than ever or LGBTQ youth are in need of unconditional love and acceptance. kin•dom camp is a space for just that.

John  15:07  
We're always looking for fully affirming, welcoming and loving adults to help us make kin•dom camp a success. This will be a wonderful opportunity to connect with mentor and learn from our youth. But most importantly, we ask that you are ready to celebrate everyone where they are, as they are.

Andy  15:26  
Both registration for campers and applications to be on camp staff are now open. You can find these links on our website kindomcommunity.org/camp If you have any questions you can't find the answers to you can email me at andy@kindomcommunity.org.

Baylee  15:40  
Also, be sure to check us out on socials @kindomcommunity on Instagram and Facebook. We post all of our important announcements and fun camp moments so you'll want to follow along.

John  15:52  
Thanks for listening to kin•dom campfire chats. We are proud to be a safe space for these campers and we are even more proud of them for sharing their stories. We hope you'll keep gathering around the campfire with us as we celebrate all of the stories that make us this kin•dom community.

music  16:10  
[Andy strumming guitar & Baylee's voice singing: "Oh let's build”]  

Transcribed by https://otter.ai